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ArmorPlate108 said it very well.
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RDMercer, this was deliberately calculating and well orchestrated by your ex, aimed to tear you down and make herself look wonderful and appealing through the process. Just like a true narc.
I am so sorry for how you are feeling as result of this latest assault.
If you could stand back and look at this attack on you from a 10,000 foot height, watching her do this showboating act, and how she interacted with you and the kids, can you see that it was meant to bring down your self confidence and kick you down, yet again? Can you see how deliberate and well planned out this latest attack was?
Dressing herself all up to all look beautiful and well put together, with a brand new shiny car, a new and much larger apartment, along with new manipulation tactics to wrangle in poor DD? Her poison is oozing right back into your home, exactly as she had planned.
I am APPALLED at this monster, oh excuse me, malignant narcissist's behavior. I am disgusted by this woman. She has stooped to a new low. This latest maneuver almost trumps other vile and despicable things she has done to you and your poor kids.
If it were me, I would call her and very firmly and without hesitation, inform her that she is NOT allowed to come to your home uninvited or unannounced. Give me her number and I will read her the riot act for you.
She has right now succeeded in making you feel horrible and depressed, all over again. Please don't accept or absorb her poison.
Imagine yourself taking a wonderful bubble bath or shower and washing all her evil darkness off yourself., down the drain. Or maybe you're bathing in a gorgeous waterfall spot in Hawaii. Wash her poison off you.
I also think ArmorPlate's suggestion of having DD speak with her therapist before accepting this secret phone... OMG.. a secret relationship? Can you see how disgusting this woman is and how she will stop at nothing to manipulate you and the kids?
OYE!
Can I please hug you and slap her at the same time?