Feeling Disheartened

How come is it, that my narcissistic ex’s reinforcements felt like genuine stability? Granted, I always needed to make myself available for his calls, there was no flexibility over missing his calls, being free to call back whenever. This was the first red flag. However, how come it felt so stable when he would give his word about what time he would be coming to visit or we would make certain plans, and he would always, ALWAYS hold to his word? He would be super punctual. This felt like someone who keeps to their word.

How come is it, although He knew, this godless, morally devoid man, that somehow God wouldn’t want that. Or felt that bad karma would fall back on him somehow. So he became a first-time father at age 51. Although everything about him, his incessant berating of me, rattled my world, he still felt, and still feels “safer” sometimes, than what a normal relationship might look and feel like. Where you’re supposed to take things slow and things feel like they’re not moving quickly enough.

Where your supposed “Christian” male friend of 10+ years because he hooked up with you and somehow, the Plan B failed. Because at age 37, he’s not “ready” to be a father. So this feels destabilizing, attempting to establish a “normal” romantic relationship in the aftermath of 3+ years of narcissistic trauma.