"I had this ache, and I thought it was for sex, but it's to tear everything to ****ing pieces" (Ginger Snaps)

But really, why do I, or anyone, feel the need to feed energy into destroying myself? It's not like I spend 24/7 intentionally ripping out wires in the airplane, but it's almost like I have half an hour of down time and automatically it's gotta do something unhealthy, sometimes potentially lethal. And I just don't care as long as I (at least believe that I)'m not hurting anyone else.

How do I manage that half hour of boredom that leads to idk an hour of self harm or binge drinking or something