Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow
Every episode I did the same thing. Usually I'd be scraping the wallpaper at 2 AM and not realizing this was not normal until my therapist would ask if I'd been scraping wallpaper. Then I'd realize I might need to consider a med change. I had some insight into it once it was pointed out that it was not normal or healthy but I'd forget the next time.
It's been a few years since I've had a distinct up. I'm not sure what I would do here in this house. I need to keep my hands busy to distract me from racing thoughts that I can't follow. I'm not sure how I've done that here. I've not torn the place down so obviously I've not gotten too far out of hand.
When I was in grad school I remember sobbing over assignments that required analysis that my racing brain couldn't do but I had no choice because things were due when they were due, not around my mood swings that I wasn't admitting I had. I particularly remember crying for hours over a one page paper on the Americans with Disabilities act. I never did what you did and had heightened interest in problem solving.
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Oh yeah, I wouldn't be able to do things that were required for school or anything (it's actually why I flunked psychology...go figure
) I had a lot of essays that I just gave up on sounding like they made sense and turned in a lot that my teachers/professors didn't even grade, just gave them back with a good ole' question mark on them. Could always do math though. Before this last episode I started connecting things about how we perceive senses and how sight is the weirdest, then with sight came a lot of learning about light and that turned into protons and seeing the space between things that were what I guess you'd call touching each other (but they're not really
touching touching) and that turned into the proton shyt and emailing a bunch of places and thinking MIT was going to give me a full scholarship.
Bizi--I'd do a lot of nonsense journaling too. You can really tell by what I've written by both content
and handwriting that I was hypomanic or manic.
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JaneOnceMore that is very fortunate you didn't/couldn't go through with that "little" project. Yeah, the mental health system is awful. I go to the ER sometimes clearly unable to do any real thing, but if I've eaten at all that day and I don't need a certain amount of stitches/staples (four isn't enough, 18 is. Not sure where the cut off is) then they do not care. I literally went into the ER last year hallucinating constantly, haven't slept for over 3 days (and yes, I told them this), and overall probably just really disorganized. They gave me a fking HYDROXYZINE and sent me home...without a ride..middle of the night in a NH winter, and wouldn't let me stay. Thank God they at least let me use the phone and I found someone awake enough to answer and give me a ride!