Artley,
I'm curious as to what therapist I should be looking for. Like what modalities? I know one who works with infertility and BPD would be good. Probably someone who does DBT. But otherwise I don't know.

I think you're right, I'm stuck in a loop of crisis. I think I am addicted to the catharsis. And I almost crave another crisis to feel it again. I don't think I'm doing this on purpose, but it is getting to be a pattern.

I am still waiting to make a decision like T told me to do. It's just such a hard one because it's permanent. If there was a way that I could test put therapists while still seeing L, that would be ideal. But to have e to get rid of her just to search is really difficult.