Quote:
Originally Posted by SquarePegGuy
When you put it that way, I think a lot more people destroy themselves than we might think.
It occurred to me immediately that people with autoimmune disorders destroy themselves on cellular level. And aside from substance abusers there are those choose the cheeseburger instead of broccoli with garlic sauce, or have a sugary treat for dessert.
Suppose you could direct your destructiveness to someone or something other than yourself? Do you think you would still ... be self-destructive? Or, where does that energy originate? Are you acting out some self-hatred based on how someone else treated you once?
During that half hour, can you redirect that destructive energy into "attacking" clutter or destroying weeds?
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Pretty sure it originated from child abuse and later bad relationships/SA. I hold a lot of shame from just existing and guilt over basically everything I do.
I've been using a lot of energy to get shyt done, it's just hard to keep myself occupied every waking minute of every waking day and not taking opportunities to self-sabotage in some way when they come up.
I wouldn't say having a dessert and similar is "self-destructive" entirely because you're not literally destroying your body unless it's overdone. I think a lot of people will agree there's a big difference between having a bowl of ice cream and a fifth of vodka.
My therapist and my IP NP keep saying stuff like I can't handle boredom because I grew up in chaos, and I have to learn to sit with it. Every time I'm discharged from that unit the NP says "keep it boring."
I guess I've been practicing this more. Been writing a lot.