Thanks OliviaB and LT.

I do feel she owes me the break and keeps my slots. But then again when she told me about her pregnancy, she said that that session was for free (even though she only told me 30mins in, so 30mins to process was all I got). And right now, I've met my out of pocket, so sessions are free for me. Big deal that she gave it to me.

I did mention the break to her in a text. She said she'll respond this morning.

Maybe taking a break will help us both reset. Maybe it will even show her I'm serious about possibly leaving. Maybe she'll understand the gravity of the situation. And maybe it will give me a break from all her chaos and drama.

And I worry that taking this break gives me less time with her before her leave, she could give up and leave me, or the break doesn't help and I come back to the same problems we had before.

But I think all of this weighs on how long she'll let me leave for.

Plus, if she hasn't given up on me yet. I've written her some pretty cruel emails and texts. Two last night. Maybe I am trying to push her until she breaks. And if she does, then it's sort of evidence that she was never a fit.

H and I had a long talk last night. He desperately wants me to take a leave or leave her. He says he's tired of going through this with me. He called L a drug and a prostitute. He said I'm addicted to her and attached to her hip. And he said that you can't love a prostitute because she will never love you back. It's about the money, and it will always be about the money. I see his point for both... And the addicted part of me doesn't want to believe it. At least not the prostitute part.