LT,
Yes,both things are correct: so I'm not waiting for a reply and so she doesn't change my mind. And yet I secretly hope she somehow still contacts me (like saying we agreed on one last session) and saves me. That's how ****ing emmeshed we are.

I think I will have a session next week with T. It's going to be extremely hard not having daily support. And I feel like I have ****ed everything up. Like she'll punish me if I decide to go back.