Thanks LT and Artie. I need all the support and encouragement I can get. This break is shorter than her leave, but I'm also choosing this this time. But I still think it's needed.

I wish I had an iPhone to see if she even got my text yet or not.

All this week, I've felt suicidal except for one day. She did happen to help me that day. But since I've learned how she got pregnant, I've been in so much pain. There's so much grief and anger and betrayal and disrespect. And yes, there are feelings of jealousy that she is able to have children without even thinking about it and I can't. But that's not what's driving this. This is how she got pregnant, that it wasn't planned, and that now I've had no time to do my own therapy. It's all been about her.

Sorry for the rant.

I know this isn't all about her. I have BPD. I know my tendencies. And her life keeps affecting mine. She is still responsible for her actions just as I'm responsible for my reactions. And we are so intertwined. That is also a huge part of why these problems are happening.

I'm struggling. I'm trying to be strong. Trying to believe this is healthy. It's hard when you're in a suicidal state to give up your daily support.