Hi, all.

At long last I've done my time in virtual therapy for now.
As the first in-person session back approaches, I'm struggling with a sense that I feel closer to those who have been present for me in this time than I do to R.

I've had conversations with other services and supports that I should have had with her all along, but when we're working virtually she can't do much if I am in distress.

Words are powerful, but proximity is what I need when I'm in my feelings.

I've spoken with my contact at the helpline on a weekly basis since just after R announced her intention to go virtual for the summer.

I understand that it would be weird to keep that up, but I have been speaking with a grief guide over Zoom and I intend to keep that contact.

What the grief guide offers is quite different to therapy.

I know it's gonna take time to 'rebuild' my relationship with R, and as time goes on I somewhat regret asking for our first session back on World Suicide Prevention Day, which is already going to be difficult.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping for in posting this...maybe some solidarity or reassurance that this makes sense somehow?

Thanks,

Lost