Good job for using alternate support systems and finding resources that can help you.

It also seems that by assigning value (good vs. bad) to your own feelings and experiences you actually cause yourself pain and distress.

Perhaps you could try saying to yourself "I feel somewhat distant from R right now and that's very natural and okay. It makes perfect sense given that she's been online recently. Alternately, I am feeling very connected to these other support systems right now...and that's also very natural and okay. I don't have to push myself to feel anything different than what I feel. I can allow it all to evolve without putting pressure on myself."

Saying these sort of things to myself can really help when I notice I'm getting anxious about a situation.

I guess it's just another way of trying to remain present in the current moment without judgement of ourselves (which can also help us to avoid the impulse to control and judge others). Self compassion usually leads to more peace and compassion for others too.