Thanks Inky, LT and Scarlet.

You've all made really good points.
I'm glad I posted to get this out of my head.

Inky - I really appreciate you normalising the way I'm feeling.

LT and Scarlet - those 'threads' make a lot of sense.

The timing of all this was frankly shocking.

I couldn't have known in June that I would end up in this scenario.
The new info is hard to handle, and when things are hard to handle, R is usually there.

I've been able to acknowledge the facts and implications with these new people, but R is the person I trust most with my feelings.

So many sodding layers, and a limited time to deal with them.