Thanks, LT.

I think having a session with T could still be an option. It's just hard with T. Maybe because she says it like it is? And sometimes I don't want to hear it. Like she told me that L technically never lied to me. "Technically", it's true.

L says she'll support a leave whenever I want to. And she wouldn't consider it leaving. She said even if I left for 2 years, I could always come back. However, I'd be put on a waitlist. While I understand that's fair, it would still suck.

Part of me still wants a break. We just are not okay. I need more help than she's willing to give me. Like she's had no time for a session over the weekend and no time for a short phone call today. Last rupture, we had rl contact every day until I was able to start coping. I just still feel like she's punishing me. And I feel like if she truly understood, she'd find the time.

She says she's owning her actions and that she's feeling it. I just don't believe her. For some reason, I no longer trust her words. Like she says she cries for me for how pregnancy triggers my maternal transference and my infertility grief. She's always cried for that. I want her to cry for how she's broken my trust and our relationship.

She wants me to text her "Are you there?" whenever I feel alone. It's a little comforting because I know she is there. However, it hurts because I feel like I'm allowing her to gloss over the pain and act as if she's there. Like I'm betraying myself.

I feel so stuck and am struggling so much. And I don't feel like she's empathetic to my pain.