The title of this thread: building a whole new life. Well, in building a brand new life for myself, I am severing ties with all toxic people, new and old, so I cut off a 35-year toxic friendship last week.

This so-called "friend" has been domineering in every conversation we've had, she adopts an air of superiority over me and treats me like I am 5 years old, needing to be taught the ways of the world, and she has said some incredibly cutting, mean, and insensitive things to me over the years.

I held onto the friendship because of a long history. We've had many good times together, we've gone to concerts together, and have had many good laughs while talking for hours on the phone. We went on a week-long camping trip in California together years ago. And long ago, we used to coach each other through our meandering career paths. We've remained in relatively close touch over the years. But now? It's totally different. We have not physically seen each other since 2009. We've maintained only a long-distance friendship, talking by phone or via texting. We talk once every few months or so. We've basically grown apart and have very little in common.

So, just recently, I had been trying to get a hold of her for the last 6 weeks. God knows why. I must have been lonely and simply wanted to touch base. After I sent a text to follow up on several phone calls, she only just wrote in reply, "I'm busy". I had tried to reach her at least 3-4 times, and that's the only reply I received. And that was it for me. I knew she didn't really care about me.

The final straw may have actually occurred last summer when she kept telling me how happy she was to have a wonderful husband and to NOT be single, just as I was facing all the abuse from my ex husband and just as I was going through a nasty divorce. Could she have been any more insensitive or cruel?

Even several years back, I had thought that she was likely a narcissist. Now, I am convinced she is after all the behavior patterns I have witnessed in her for the last 35 years, and after having married a narcissist.

Last week in our text exchange, I told her that a comment she made was mean and wrote that this is what she does to me. In reply, all she wrote was, "sorry you feel that way", which is a gaslighting type of response. That statement deflects all responsibility away from her, and places all the blame on ME for feeling hurt by her comments to me, and is a non-apology.

I told her she was gaslighting me, so she suddenly went on the attack, just like a true narcissist. She wrote "waaahhh waaahhhhhh wahhhhhh", in the most derogatory and demeaning way. What is she, 6 years old???? Then she accused ME of gaslighting HER, just like a narcissist would.

Whenever challenged or called out on poor behaviors, narcissists go on the attack and deflect all responsibility. Well, that's exactly what she did to me.

After her "waaahhhh waaahhh" comment over text, I told her she was being a biatch, that she is totally toxic, and blocked her. Next, I carefully composed an email, calling her out on ALL narcissistic behaviors, I ended the friendship, and told her I was blocking her everywhere, including email. And that was the end.

That night when I went out to see a band at a music venue, I felt incredibly liberated, as though some kind of a hefty burden was finally lifted off my shoulders. Something I had been carrying around for YEARS.

Over the next coming days, that feeling subsided and I started questioning whether I had been too harsh. Then, I re-read her nasty text to me and determined, no, I wasn't being too harsh and that I was simply and finally drawing the line and creating firm boundaries for myself.

So, developing and enforcing stronger boundaries is the name of the game for me in building a brand new life, which is the whole point of this story. I am learning how to enforce my boundaries much better than I ever have.

I have a history of abusive and toxic relationships, and I've allowed far too many people to cross boundaries with me. And this is something I've decided I will no longer tolerate or allow.

So, I am done with all toxic people. I have removed 5 toxic women from my life in the last year. A few were newer friendships and a couple were older friendships that needed to be severed. 3 of the 5 women are narcissists.

I am empathic and I've read that narcissists and empaths are naturally drawn to each other. I've had so many narcissists in my life, it's a pattern. So, I need to learn how to sidestep these people and steer clear. I should have an anti-narc spray to carry around with me! LOL LOL.

I've read that to keep narcs away, an empath needs to have stronger boundaries and to care much more for themselves. I've cared so very much about the welfare, needs, and happiness of everyone else, that I've completely neglected myself in the process. So it's time now in my life to finally turn all attention to caring about ME....

It's a healthy selfishness. I am turning all my attention, love, care, and compassion to MYSELF. Right now is MY TIME. I am healing, I am forgiving myself, I am caring for myself and what I need, and I am learning how to quiet my harsh inner critic. No more masochism. I have been masochistic ALL of my life. My inner critic is SO VERY LOUD... well, I am finally listening and I will shut that critic up once and for all. NO MORE.

I am done being masochistic. And I am done with being a codependent. This feels healthy, so I am running with it.