My therapist and I have been doing a back and forth journaling thing lately. One of the things that came up after he shared an essay from another therapist (The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name - Dr. Keely Kolmes) was that I had some feelings about the fact that he would never tell me he loves me. He was curious what it would mean to me to hear him say that. One of the things he said in his response really got stuck in my head and I don't know what exactly I'm feeling about it besides hurt and maybe rejected. He said "the love we feel for each other is very different". Everything else he said was lovely but this is what stuck with me and I started feeling really ashamed that I'd shared these thoughts with him. I wrote of the shame and that I didn't want to talk about it any more.

I thought I would just put that phrase aside and carry on. I know he cares about me and I do think he feels love for me, so I'm not sure why it's bugging me so much. I had also journaled about some other things before we swapped notebooks again, but the only thing he addressed was the love thing. Again he said some lovely things and that he wants to understand where I'm coming from, there's nothing to feel ashamed about, etc. But again he said "the love we feel for each other is different".

Does he think I'm romantically in love with him? What is so different about my feelings vs his? Why is this bothering me so much? It's making me feel very shut down towards him. It feels so hurtful. Is he aware that it might feel hurtful for him to say that? I'm having the urge to ghost him on our next session.

Looking for some other interpretations or words of wisdom here. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to take in the other things he's saying but I keep getting stuck on this one phrase.