When I interact with folks, I notice that I look for positive qualities in the other person and either

a) compare myself negatively.
For context, I used to work with a woman who's now at a different job. She recently married and bought a house, too. All in about 6 months.

I was envious. But... I also bought a house earlier this year. I also got recently married in 2022.

I think I perceive the "threat" to be that I just don't trust her. She's nice to me, always wants to get together (all we do is go out to eat). She's bought me gifts.

She's beautiful, slim, smart, kind. People say I'm those things too, but I think she's better. I think she's almost perfect.

Or b) regret what I didn't do.
For instance, my eldest niece is 14, turning 15 soon.
She's spunky, cool, outspoken, confident, beautiful, smart, and a joy in my life. Lately, I've been thinking about who I am compared to her. I was never like that in high school, but indefinitely wanted to be somewhat like that. Perhaps in some ways, I wish I could be like that or could have been.

Aside from those two points, I can't accept myself some days because I've made too many mistakes. And hurt so many people along the way. It's like I can't do anything right. I'm overwhelmed by the smallest things, and I think there's something wrong with my brain that makes me act so carelessly, selfishly, and stupidly in my personal life.

In psychotherapy, my clinician and I work through ways that I can reframe how I think about myself so that I can feel more empowered. But I keep reverting back to the same "compare & despair".

I wonder if it's because when I quit FB and Instagram suddenly 4.5 years ago
.. I didn't realize I was so addicted. Perhaps I'm still feeling the fallout and withdrawal symptoms .

I don't feel good enough in certain contexts basically.