@Yaowen

IMO we are all unqualified, especially the doctors. Ex: If you want to buy a car, should you start out by talking to a con artist? Or a lifelong mechanic? I know I would rather have the latter, but life isn't perfect.
I'd figure I would put this somewhere relevant, and away from the bot farms, where hopefully some tiny sliver of helpful sunlight could reach through the noise.
The other forum I was on was very immature. so I moved myself over here, and wanted to start with a timeline of my life's experiences and my current understanding of my problems.

I doubt I will receive any helpful input, but that is okay in terms of medical means and professional care. What I was hoping was for a rational input/anchor to help me understand my life's experience, as a 3rd party.
A lot of **** happened and I would like to know why it happened, what I could or should have (optimally, with full knowledge) done, and most importantly what things could be like on a uphill trend.

I recently figured out how demoralizing it is to endure living in a hellhole as a normalization of life, because I forget or am ignorant of how much better my life could be, even to be helpful to society, in sane, benevolent circumstances.

Who knows, maybe my experiences will help other people who have something similar going on. (Well at least before the internet is extinguished.)