Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete
Thanks for everyone's insight. It all helps.
We have a session today. I wrote in my journal verbatim my original post. I haven't yet decided whether I'm going to share it with him or not.
I also met with my NP/prescriber this week. We talk about my life and stuff going on as well as the meds. I've previously talked to him about my relationship and feelings for P so I brought this up with him also. He said "it's not about him but about what he represents for you". While I get the whole transference concept, it doesn't feel to me that this is 100% transference. It feels like he said your feelings are tricking you which just feels invalidating. I know that it is partly that he listens and pays attention to me which is something I apparently crave, but I don't think that's all of it. Maybe I'm just tricking myself into thinking I like P as a real person and he is just some ideal concept. This has all gotten so confusing and I'm still not sure what to make of it all.
|
I hope if you decide to show him, whether today or at some later time, he understands what you're saying and responds well to it.
And I get what you mean about the transference stuff. It seemed like ex-MC put nearly everything I felt onto transference, which could feel invalidating. Like, "No, I am upset with *you*. This isn't about my mom."
But then Dr. T is the opposite, where he doesn't buy into the transference idea so much. So he tends to think everything is about him. Where at times, I have to say to him, "Yes, part of this is about you, but part of why I'm triggered so much now and reacting so strongly is from stuff that happened in the past with someone else."
I think in reality, it tends to be a mix of both, not one or the other. In my case, I think I liked/like ex-MC and Dr. T as people, but there was/is also transference going on. Where if I had met them in another context and was friends with them, I might enjoy hanging out with them, but it wouldn't all be so intense.
I imagine it might be similar for you and P. You've worked with him for a long time, so I suspect it's partly about who he is and not just the role he plays in your life. That you might not react the same way to some other random therapist. That it's in part about your unique relationship with him and how the two of you interact.