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Rose76
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Default Sep 13, 2024 at 06:00 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer View Post
In the brief time she spoke to my daughter she promised everything

She’d practically stopped drinking, she was working, she was moving into a higher paying job, she was in counselling…. All the key points. But the root of it all was me. All these things had occurred because of my chronic anger.

I think this is coming to a halt though.

DD talked to her oldest brother who just simply said, Then I won’t be home anymore

She said it was her right to pursue the relationship she wished and he had to respect that.

He said, I do, but it’s best for me to not be in contact with anyone Mom is talking to. She was abusive to me and dad, and I’m not risking compromising anything before I say that in court. And it’s too triggering for me to be around.

She was pretty dumbfounded and turned to me.

I said, I can’t change this. What you are saying and feeling is valid. So is what he is saying and feeling. I can’t control his choices on this.

She didn’t like that he was making her choose. He said, I didn’t create this.

Then he asked her how things were in the past year.

“Really good. “

“How has it been in the past 24 hours? And who was the source of that? I’m not giving up my peace. Eventually you’ll see who she really is again. Good luck with where you land when that happens.”

DD went and blocked her mom on everything again. And my stomachache went away.
I think you and your son are way too invested in wanting DD to see your ex right now as you see her. You both need to back off. DD will develop some illusions that her mom could be what she'ld like her to be. Her mom will eventually shatter those illusions. DD will know some disappointment and get a reality check. That's life. You would prefer that your daughter not go through anything like that, but it's not within your control. Pain is part of how we mature. If your daughter has a safe, supportive home with you then that will be the bigger influence on her. Her mother's manipulations will wear thin.
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