If I'm going to stay with L, then I'll need to let her in again. So far every time I try, I regret it. And then all the doubt and mistrust comes rushing in. I take a baby step forward and then 10 steps back. How do I let her back in?

There's something I need help with and because of the situation now, I can't talk to her. H and I found out he has extremely low testosterone and has too much estrogen. H said that there's two reasons, but he didn't explain. All he said was one treatment is tirzepatides for weight loss and the other is testosterone therapy. We won't do the testosterone therapy. We don't want to deal with the side effects. But if he just needs tirzepatides, we will probably have to pay out of pocket. H was going to let me try one more time, but it looks like I have no more hope. I just feel like L could never understand. And she doesn't deserve to know. But I need someone to grieve with me and process it. I feel so alone.