@Rose76
@divine1966

There were several posts here I’d missed.

The oldest has options of where he’s going to live; whether it’s with friends, GF, or whatever.

His mother was far more abusive towards him than his sister and that is coming out in family counselling. He made a police report to take out a restraining order to keep her from coming home when we first separated and he will be making statements in court against his mom.

Does he feel unsafe around her and does her presence affect him? Yes. Does his sister get to have a relationship with her mom if she wishes? Yes. Does he get to protect himself? Yes. Has my daughter’s therapist also advised she not be in contact with her mom? Yes. Does my daughter still have the right to see her mom? Yes.

There’s nothing he needs to “knock off”. Right now his mom is pursuing a relationship with ONE of her kids. Just one. This is what triangulation in emotional abuse looks like. He’s not the one who caused it. He’s being victimized and people protect his abuser instead of him. I’d run from that too if I was his age. My son is 20 now. Kids leave home younger than that to run from emotional and mental abuse.

Do I worry I’m too generous? No. I don’t give away significant amounts of time or money and I’m with my kids a lot.