I had a phone session with L tonight. So far, I think I'm taking it in. I hope I can hold onto it because it really felt good in the moment. Everything was good. I wish my memory worked better. We talked about our foundation and what I need from her (like admitting she does not understand things like my infertility). And she told me how she loves me.

Am I stupid that I'm thinking of telling her about the new events about the infertility on Tuesday? I need her to know if she is going to remain my therapist. I need help and support through this. And if she won't pretend to understand, at least I will feel more respected. I don't know. I really don't know. If none of this happened, I would tell her. And she says she's still herself. Do I try to trust her with such a sensitive and vulnerable thing? Or do I keep trying to work through the hurt first?

I guess, depending on if I can hold tonight's session in mind and heart, it will tell me whether I'm going forward or if I went backwards again. And if I go backwards, then it's probably not wise to open up to her yet.