Trying to understand more on how my husband process his grief, it like he in this tremendous amount of grief and emotional pain. Sorry I'm Chinese, and English is my third language.

It alot of unpack, in the 14 years together with my husband.

His older sister died of car accident on freeway, a drunk driver crashed into her, on freeway she died on scene.

When his father died of pancreas cancer, he was the one that care for him to his last months by his dad bedside, when his dad took his last breath, he sit he sit there with his dad dead body for 12 hours (Rigor mortis was basically sets in), we (me and his mom) have no choice but to call the hospice so the hospice doctor can come and declare his father time of dead. He was holding his dad dead body for 12 hours and not want to let his dad go.
.......
The funeral was he prepaid for his father, so the funeral people come and put a tag on his dad foot, and cover his dad body a white sheet, and got his dad body out to funeral van. His mom basically sit there and just cry her eyes out.
Him not only he bawl but he also literally follow his dad body to the funeral van, and he run after the funeral van as it drove away.

His mom 4 years ago since she had a massive hemorrhagic stroke didn't kill her but leave her quadriplegia paralyze, and also her kidney failure. It has been since my husband overwork himself to pay for his mom Private Nursing home so she can have quality care doctor and a team of nurses care for her around the clock.
He also prepaid for her funeral and gravesite so she can be buried near his dad. He also take his mom to Dialysis 4x times per week, as well as one weekend out of the month is his mom with us in our home and he care for her 24/7 that that 2 days, while 28 days is she at Nursing home. His mom is dying due to her kidney failure end stage.

5 years ago in 2019 our toddler/the child of me and him died of brain disease( the baby got brain disease inherited genetic from me the mom side) specialists said our child won't live pass age 2.
My husband care for our child in that 1.5 years of our child life in and out of the hospital, he watch our child die slowly and there nothing he can do. He keeps our child ashes urn with him right in our child's room. He dust the room, touch our child ashes urn cries and talk to our child ashes, the room never change a single thing since the passing of our child, and it been 5 years since our child died.

In 2021 I had a near death experience, I was discharge home with hospital bed, bedridden and with oxygen tank hook in my nose 24/7. My husband took off work and care for me day and night for a whole month. The bedridden me defecate on myself and my husband clean my defecation that whole month. He also sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom got discharge home with it and oxygen tank).

I guess it our child death, and then me almost die, I basically saw him cries everyday. So so much tears from him, and emotional pain. Many times he bawl, not just cry, completely bawl, so much to the point he has both hands on his head and bawl to the point collapse and curl up in a ball on the ground. His emotions is just INTENSE.
Even in his deep sleep he bawl, I do not know why but tears just roll down his face and he bawl in his sleep.

I did recover thank you to him care for me. Many times he hugged me and said he very afraid (as in he very afraid that I will die). I don't know if it his father death, our child death, and my near death experience all build up together.

he said he will continue live for me, I am the reason why he still living. This is why I am taking care of my health, I must be healthy for him.

He said if I happen to go before him (die before him), he will go with me. And don't I say that he leaving anyone behind because he not, his older sister died, his father died, his child the child with me and him died, his mother soon will be die too she quadriplegia and end stage kidney failure. And if I die too. Who is he leaving behind? He said he will die with me, because on the other side has his father, his child, has me, and we be a family again. Can it be his PTSD talking?

He said if I die before him, my ashes will be with him by his side just like our child ashes with him.

My husband whom 39 (which is not old for a man), and he already have a Will sign in front of a lawyer. And he already Prepaid for his own cremation, arranged with the funeral director, once he die he wants to be cremate and mix his ashes with me and our child together three of us, and scatter it. He does not want to be buried.

His will actually very straightforward. If he die first, all his assets and his everything he has all go to me. He didn't name anyone else beside me.
But if I die first, if I die before him, he already has a lawyer to take care of his assets (donate to children brain disease research due to our child died of brain disease), and in his will he state the funeral director (he already Prepaid) will cremate him, and mix his ashes with mine and our child and scatter it.

What is going on with my husband? He has PTSD? It like he in a tremendous amount of grief and pain due to he one by one loss all his blood immediate family. I'm trying to get him to a grief therapist, but he not want to go. So I am still trying.