Oh, I already knew she couldn't talk to my H because I have never given her permission to do so. H has been told this many times. My problem was that instead of writing to me and being concerned about me, she wrote him a letter to my email that I could choose to send to him.

I was able to talk to her. She said she was concerned about me, but she also didn't want to overreact. However, she said she was more concerned about why I was upset than my safety because I have a "good safety plan".

Do I need the hospital? Truthfully, I think many times these past few weeks I probably should have went. Especially one day, when I decided to take a break, H was going to take me. L called minutes before leaving and was able to calm me down.

I have not been stable. It's coming out in all ways even physically: headaches, eye twitching, shaking, hair loss, horrible sleep. Right now, I need for L and I to just stop hurting each other. I'm so exhausted from the pain. She said I have burnt out from the stress. But nothing seems to be getting better. I don't know what to do. I don't want a break and I don't want to leave her, but nothing is working. I don't even know how to express myself to her anymore. It's like I'm being triggered by anything and everything.

I just need everything to stop.