I've been to a few therapists over the years. Some were okay and at least one was truly harmful. My current one is by far the best.

I need a therapist...

-who is intelligent, grounded and has done their own work

-who understands trauma and attachment and isn't going to get entangled in an enactment with me.

-who has safe boundaries but also isn't afraid to share some of themselves too. My T lets me into his life without making it about him, or over-divulging personal stuff. But he answers any questions I have and even sends me photos of beaches and mountains when he's on vacation.

- who isn't afraid to give a hug if a client wants one and would benefit from that.

-who shows love and care but also doesn't encourage over-dependence on therapy or the therapist. This one is huge and lately these forums have made me appreciate my T's insistence that I keep my own power and don't give it away to anyone, especially not to a therapist (who by nature of the relationship dynamic already holds a lot of power).