Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete
Thanks for everyone's insight. He said "it's not about him but about what he represents for you". While I get the whole transference concept, it doesn't feel to me that this is 100% transference. It feels like he said your feelings are tricking you which just feels invalidating. I know that it is partly that he listens and pays attention to me which is something I apparently crave, but I don't think that's all of it. Maybe I'm just tricking myself into thinking I like P as a real person and he is just some ideal concept. This has all gotten so confusing and I'm still not sure what to make of it all.
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This perspective which I know is shared by so many therapists really bugs me. Yes alot of it likely has something to do with who or what he represents for you and is based on feelings from the past BUT some of it can also be based very much on feelings from the present. Almost every relationship we enter even our romantic relationships is often a mix of both of these things and often it can be difficult to see where one starts and the other ends. I've often gone around in circles with my T on this when she would always try to bring me back to it being about feelings from the past. For so long we were stuck gooing around and around. I needed her to validate that some of the feelings were based on the here and now. I have seen her rough edges and also believe my feelings are about her/ at least the her that shows up in the room which is a part of her. Is she likely way less patient, attentive and caring in her real life. Yes likely but that does not mean she is not caring. Once she acknowledged my present day feelings we were able to move forward. It's like I could leave them there knowing they had been heard and THEN could explore where some of it was about the past