Thanks for everyone's insight. It all helps.

We have a session today. I wrote in my journal verbatim my original post. I haven't yet decided whether I'm going to share it with him or not.

I also met with my NP/prescriber this week. We talk about my life and stuff going on as well as the meds. I've previously talked to him about my relationship and feelings for P so I brought this up with him also. He said "it's not about him but about what he represents for you". While I get the whole transference concept, it doesn't feel to me that this is 100% transference. It feels like he said your feelings are tricking you which just feels invalidating. I know that it is partly that he listens and pays attention to me which is something I apparently crave, but I don't think that's all of it. Maybe I'm just tricking myself into thinking I like P as a real person and he is just some ideal concept. This has all gotten so confusing and I'm still not sure what to make of it all.