It is so complicated! And confusing.

I know that she knows that everything is not okay. We confirm that with our hugs and many other times. She still knows that me leaving, permanently or for a break, is still on the table.

In fact, my pdoc put in a referral for me to see a therapist in her company. I got an email yesterday saying I wasn't a fit and so they gave me another referral. That referral said they had no openings. But with the last referral they listed what my pdoc said about me. She said I was a "complicated" patient. 1. Ouch! That's pretty harsh and judgemental. 2. I'm sure therapists look at that and go "no thanks".