It's actually more than that.

I'm scared of being provoked into acting or speaking a way that takes me away from being me.

And I'm scared of the pain she can cause me.

She took down my boundaries repeatedly for years, but I also dropped them more and more. I made myself more and more vulnerable to her in an attempt to be unguarded and connect with her.

I'm also scared of how much I doubt myself around her.

Right now, my world makes sense, or It did up until a few hours ago, Then I started questioning what was real again.