That's a tough spot to be in, and I don't know that there is a graceful way out of it. What you said to her sounded totally appropriate to me. I've parted ways with a few people who were always looking to whine and moan about being unfairly treated. No amount of me patiently listening was ever enough. I started to feel like I was enabling a very bad habit.

Unfortunately, I don't think people who do that are all that likely to ever change. I'll listen sympathetically to any sad sorry anyone wants to share . . . . . but not to the same story over and over and over. I had a friend whose mother had been dead for over 20 years. Every time we spent a few hours together, she would eventually restart her story of how her mother was a meany. Finally, I told her, "It's time to bury Mom. Let the grass grow over her grave and move on. She is out of your life. Stop digging her up, if you really want to be free of her influence." I thought the world of this gal, but her wallowing in these unhappy memories was like a person constantly picking at a scabbed over wound, so healing couldn't happen. She recently called me again. I was glad to hear from her. But nothing had changed. Complain, complain, complain.

Since this person has been your friend, you want to motivate her to adopt a healthier outlook. As long as she can find an audience for her complaining, she'll keep up the whining. So step one is to tell her the complaining has become too much. Step two is to start cutting her off, when she starts with the moaning. Step three is to physically withdraw from her, when she's in a negative frame of mind.

I guess how much more of this you can take depends on what redeeming qualities she might have. People like your friend don't realize how off-putting they are. Ideally, her consciousness could be raised by a caring friend telling her that she is a valuable person who is mentally going to a bad place way too often. You can say, "Sorry, but, if you want to go down a dark road, I'm not going there with you. Both of us were meant for better things."

Anyone living on planet earth needs to recognize that this world is a tough place, and we all get challenged in tough ways. That's the way the cookie crumbles. To resent that is to doom oneself to a life of being miserable. You have no obligation to attend every pity-party your friend wants to throw for herself.