So, I'm not saying this applies to you and R. But in my case, the push-pull dynamic with Dr. T plays out like this: I'm going through a difficult time either in my outside life or the therapeutic relationship. I push Dr. T to provide me with more support, more empathy, more connection. And he doesn't want to give that for whatever reason, so he pulls back and gives me less than he even normally would.

I don't think it's conscious on his part. I certainly hope he isn't thinking "LT wants more support right now, but I'm not going to give it to her--haha. It's likely about one or more of the following: countertransference, his own avoidant attachment stuff, his thinking certain things are appropriate for therapy and other things not (like my sending an email to let him know H's surgery went well), etc. I do wonder, if it could remind him of a dynamic in his own life, maybe with his wife, mother, or sister (seems likely a female figure), in which case it could be more of an enactment, if I'm understanding the meaning of those correctly.

Hope that helps explain it more--basically one person pushing for more, the other person pulling back in response.