I saved my words for today's session. I realized that I was not okay with the information that was shared the session before. The first part of my response, I couldn't verbally say, so I emailed it to her. The second part I was able to say. I don't know that we made any progress. If anything, it was just more confirmation about my feelings towards her and the situation.

The second part of what I shared was the unfairness of an accidental pregnancy. For her, she didn't need to be overly cautious. She'll still have a beautiful healthy baby. For me, if I had the ability to get pregnant right now, the baby would either not survive or would be born with horrible malformations (due to medications). I have to take my birth control seriously even if I can't get pregnant on my own. It's why I'm actually on birth control even though I'm infertile.

At one point, she blamed me for something and then tried to retract it saying she didn't mean for it to sound accusatory. In the moment, it didn't even register. Now it has. It was something pretty mean. Blaming me for her choices.

I don't know what my path forward is. I still have leaving on the table. Even if I stay, how do I get back to neutral with her? We're just miles and miles apart.

End of March is her due date. I don't think 6 months is enough time to repair this and prepare for another leave. Oh. And she still wants more...