No need to apologise to me, it's totally fine. I hope you find the way forward. These things can be really hard, especially when we are right in the business of it. I think many of us here struggle with identifying and asking for what we need - if we haven't been nurtured, we haven't had care mirrored for us and it's hard to learn that once we have established our life pattern of not listening to our self. And asking is only the start for me because I am not sure how to receive, and on top of that, the risk of asking but not receiving feels like an unpleasant replay.

Something to remember is that up until here she has given you what you need and you have had a positive relationship with her. Those qualities still exist, even if they aren't prominent at the moment. Maybe if you can lay all of this out between you, she can help you sort out how to address it all. You don't have to go solo and then present her with the finished strategy for you to work through.