Another 2 hr session. It was only meant to be 1.5 hrs. Oops. I was stuck in freeze a lot of the session. But half way through she asked me to look at her. She's done this a few times now. I actually find it helpful. Again, I don't remember too much of what was said. My stupid memory has gotten so bad since all of this. It's not the greatest normally, but it's a lot worse now.

I asked her a bunch of questions in an email a couple of days ago.
* Why should I stay?
* How do I gain back trust in you?
* How can I trust "honesty first"?
* How do I hold onto anything right now: love, reassurances, apologies, etc?
* What is the next step(s)?
She wasn't able to clearly answer any of them. I feel disappointed and wonder if it was an excuse for whatever reason (back to me not trusting her). She said that right now I'm spinning and what she knows to be true is she wants to be spinning with me.

She mentioned some things I'm struggling with like splitting her. And how she wonders why I can't integrate the her I know and the her who hurt me. She says we're going to make the most of the next 6 months. Oh and she said not to make any decisions yet. That right now I'm in emotional mind and until rational and wise-mind come back, I won't be able to make a wise decision. And when I do make a decision, it will be right because I will feel peace about it. I really don't know what to do.