My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar Check-in #82

MuddyBoots · Sep 26, 2024 at 10:01 PM

fahkin' A, man.
I fell asleep at 7 and woke up an hour ago (10) and I am abso-freaking-lutely raging. People complaining about "only" sleeping 5 hours THE PREVIOUS NIGHT insinuating that's an abnormality. I'm pretty sure there was a point I had barely more than that in a week. Hell, I probably went on a meth binge once and didn't even get that (my fault though, and ofc followed by days of sleep).

Possible trigger:

and if I leave RIGHT NOW and drive FAST I might make it to the liquor store before it closes, and that would be ideal, and I know if I'm desperate there's a gas station with plenty of beer...oh wait, that's high-calorie. Is it worth it? Probs. Eating disorder vs alcoholism. Binging/purging+drinking is "funner" than restricting+drinking, (and by funner I mean "I am wayyy more out of control and doing more damage but that's more appropriate because, like most bulimics, I'm jealous of having at least the illusion of control of restricting, seeing some sort of "result" with pounds dropped.)

And people say "everyone's a little bipolar." Pshhh. Yeah, everyone spends days/weeks/months straight on 0-5 hours of sleep a night while also uncomfortably energetic, cannot keep their thoughts straight, and thinks they're superior to everyone else, but also spends weeks/months at other times without energy regardless of sleeping 0 or 18 hours a day or anywhere in between that and have no desire to do anything. Anything. Showering? Fk that. Walking to the bathroom to pee? No. Eat? Why? I get literally nothing out of that but survival and guilt and the guilt of survival, and I want none of that.
Yeah. Go back to calling it manic-depression, and then we'll say "everyone's a little manic-depressive."