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Have Hope
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Default Sep 28, 2024 at 04:49 AM
 
She barely could tell me happy birthday late yesterday after an exchange we had over Teams. Monday is my bday.

Yesterday, she and I had some back and forth messages on Teams about a report I am building for senior leadership. I was in disagreement with the direction her boss wanted me to take it in and I was expressing my disagreement to my boss. She thought I was getting too emotional because I wrote that I was getting frustrated by all the changes her boss wanted me to make. One line saying I'm frustrated indicates I am being too emotional? UGH.

I told her I had left comments for him in the powerpoint deck. She wanted me to connect with him by phone, but also said she would leave it up to me to handle. Even though she said that she would let me handle it, she kept urging me to get on a call with him. So, finally I did and he walked me through all the changes he wanted me to make. So I let her know that we connected by phone. I did what she wanted.

Then, I had signed off work early to make it on time to a bday dinner with mom and my sister. After I had already signed off of Teams, team members were wishing me a happy birthday, but I missed those messages until I signed back on this morning. My boss's own "happy birthday" message to me on Teams was clearly lacking enthusiasm and sincerity. She had written to a new team member, "thanks so much for your hard work this week and welcome aboard!! And yes, happy birthday MY NAME." No exclamation point after "happy birthday". Maybe I am reading into this too much, but no exclamation point after happy birthday? After welcoming a new team member and expressing that with multiple exclamation points?? I feel like I am an annoying gnat bug that bugs her.

I also feel I am in trouble with my boss for another reason. I had forwarded her and her boss an email asking if they wanted to reply instead to a higher up who was asking a question of me - I did not know how to answer exactly, so I forwarded it to my boss and her boss saying "does one of you want to reply to Tracy?" I don't know if that was the wrong thing to do and am now questioning myself. I was so busy and focused on the leadership report, and didn't know how to handle Tracy's question of me... so I just forwarded the email along instead.

SEE? Because my boss has berated me and nitpicked over every little detail like this, I worry too much now about every little detail I may be doing incorrectly and not according to the ways of the company culture!!!! It makes me bonkers!!!!

How do I stop worrying so much?????

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"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
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