I spoke to my wonderful friend Nina today(((((((((((daynnight))))))))))))) and told her i was feeling crappy but didn't want to post that because of letting people down after all the positive stuffi'd posted just lately. So she said i'd suffer because of not getting my feelings down. I thought about it and honesty is the best policy, so i am going to tellyou how i feel, maybe getting it out will help. i know it's just a phase andi will be ok soon.

I feel enclosed, trapped, miserable, fed up, used, tired andall i want to do is sleep right now.

I amsick of my house being used like a hotel. Iam sick of my daughter thinking she knows best. I am sick of being taxi to people, i don't mind if they'd appreciate it (talking bout my son more than anyone) he is all nice and lovey dovey when he wantssomething, but if i ask him to do a small job or his dad wants a cup of tea anyone would think we've asked him to move a mountain or something. Yes i know he is a teen .... i know it is usual behaviour etc etc I'm just not coping very well right now. I feel so depressed for the first timein ages. I have no get up and go, no interest in anything,money is an issue etc. I just needed to get this out i suppose. I am missing my grandad who died when i was 16. Missing having a mother who givesa %#@&#! and a father come to that. I feel like going away and never coming back everright now. Yet i have nothing to moan about compared to so many.

i feel angry too. My t says anger and aggressiveness comes from hurting. I just give up today, maybe tomorrow will be better

GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now i need to do that for real, Jin