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MuddyBoots
Monster on the Hill
 
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Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
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Default Oct 01, 2024 at 12:27 PM
 
Anyone have absolutely no clue what to say/what is relevant in an appointment? I don't want to make med adjustments that do nothing or make things worse just because I suck at knowing anything beyond (behind?) the present moment.

I.e. right now I have an appointment in a few days and I'm not sure if I'm too tired to function after doing practically anything because it's fall or because of depakote or because of ritalin or because of what I'm eating or because I just had a birth control switch (and have been bleeding a lot), or because of nightmares or because almost 30 years of being physically hard on my body has caught up to me or because I'm getting depressed. It'd be cool to know if I need a med increase/decrease/change or to eat more banana oatmeal or stop expecting myself to be awake all day and give up all hope that one day I'll get above treeline again or find a job I enjoy and can perform well in or whatever requires you to not just be awake but doing stuff for more than a few hours.

And what's with the "how would you say your mood has been?" question? I don't know, man, you tell me. I haven't had to confine myself to under a bed to avoid violence, and I haven't tried to off myself, but at the same time lunch with a friend can in itself go from "we're awesome people going to awesome places" to freaking out and apologizing for my existence to "I love you!" to a panic attack when we leave because of course that was the last time I'll ever see them again. Normal lunch, yeah, but this shyt is why it's so taxing to be social despite how much I want to spend time with people.

I guess a question that comes to mind is: how do you know if you're just tired and things are getting harder because of that or depressed?

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