The whole idea that everybody's view of success should be the same (typically associated with having a lot of money, an "admirable" career/position within the field, and a high societal status) is a bunch of hogwash. I just want to eat, sleep, hike, and feel loved (in that order, if not all at once). I feel like a failure even though if you told me at 18 I'd live another 10 years I'd claim bs, but here I am, and I want to believe that's a success at some level.

I've tried "sign here, clock in/out" jobs too. I did well doing seasonal ride/lift operating positions at an amusement park and a ski area for four and a half years, but when covid came about and there was a five month gap of not doing anything and I went back as a ride operator, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't put up with the heat or yelling at people to wear masks or the new positions they put in so there weren't hundreds of people touching a gate or being in charge of making however many people are in line for a log ride on a sunny 100F day social distance. I hated being yelled at by parents when I had to shut down every 30min-an hour to clean (alternating between bleach and ammonia at that, I felt super safe doing that...) or run half full cycles/load every other boat/row/plane/swing/whatever. My mental health was already shyt, and I tried other jobs in the meantime but I couldn't handle anything I got hired for (honestly it was just Dunk's and a dollar store I tried, but both had wild hours and next to no training so that was just not going to work).

If things at some point get better-- I go a while without a major episode, I get my trauma shyt under control, my ADHD doesn't do a crap job at air traffic control--I'd like to get a job I don't hate and can support me enough to get off of social security. No expectations though.