Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueberrybook
I can't work either. I tried 3 different times; the longest I lasted was a month. The other too times, I had to quit within the first week. It was just too much for me. After the 3rd try and a near hospitalization, my pdoc at the time said it would be best for my health overall if I didn't work. I believe that she is right. But I still feel like a failure. Why did I even bother to go to school to get a Master's? Now, in retrospect, I wonder how I even managed to get through the master's program even though I had to take a leave of absence mid-way through for a hospitalization, I somehow finished it. But I don't think I'd be able to do that again. I feel guilty that H has to shoulder the entire financial burden and I'm a crappy housewife too, I barely manage to clean even once a month if that...sigh.
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It's great you got your master's! That's an amazing achievement!
I was at the same job for eleven years, but after our daughter was born my bipolar took a nasty turn and my mental health rapidly declined and turned into schizoaffective disorder. I just couldn't handle working full-time and taking care of a newborn/baby/toddler, and then my psych nurse retired and I got a new, terrible psychiatrist who took me off 4mg of clonazepam in two months. It was a nightmare!
Then I had my first OD. Then I had my first psychotic break. Then I had multiple ODs over the span of four years, until, the summer she was four I had the worst manic episode of my life, got really psychotic, OD'd while alone with her, lost everything, including my family and my job, gained the family back, but it was clear I couldn't work, so now I'm on SSDI. This was seven (eight?) years ago.
I'm a lousy housewife too. I don't do anything! I don't even help pay the bills or make meals (well, I do when it's just my daughter and I home alone). I can't drive anywhere. Most of the time our daughter goes to my husband's mom's house (her choice. I think it's because there's not really anything to do here).
The only thing I really do is clean and take care of our cats.
My husband is always telling me that my biggest job is to take care of myself but I feel so bad! He's always telling me he wants me home with him and our daughter and not in the hospital and I'm always like, "WHY? I don't DO anything!"