I wish I could help out more, but honestly I'm in the similar boat of "I want to do x, but shoving all idealism aside, can I?"
I kinda hate the fact that I'm expected to do more than survive the day and plan for winter. I do find stress and having a schedule with limited flexibility makes my symptoms worse. There's so much in the air right now and not a lot of predictability; it's hard to commit to something (for me anyway).
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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