Thanks, CNS. Today, for once, we actually worked on being more regulated. We went slower and we did breathing and tense/release. I actually didn't freeze today! My memory one the other hand is still waning.

Yes, this year has been so much about her. Too much. I don't get to work on the things I want to work on, least not with specifics. Like parts work or my childhood timeline or my feelings about losing my relationship with my dad. And this past month, all we have worked on is her pregnancy, my infertility a little, and our relationship. I don't know if I'm really gaining any lessons. Just a bunch of processing. I used to learn things from her like how parts work works and dialectics and behavioral chain analysis. And more. Maybe I'm just exhausted from all the processing? Maybe it's just overloading my brain? I know something needs to change, I'm just somehow hoping it doesn't mean without her.