Thanks to my brother's girlfriend, my dad got a place at a nursing home. They could no longer manage and did well to keep him at home this long. Thankfully, my father understands and is taking it better than expected.

I should feel endlessly grateful, but, once again, don't. The communication around it disturbed me. We knew Dad was going to be put on the home list, but when they actually did put him on the list and toured nursing homes, they didn't mention it to me or my sister. I found out when something was very casually mentioned during a visit with dad/them. I asked my brother to let my sister and me know the status quo, and he emailed a list of the homes with a couple of notes. I still asked for a formal family meeting to all be on the same page. At the meeting, we're told Dad's on the 'crisis' list and could be put in a home anywhere between two days and two months, and we'd have one day to accept the placement. Even my brother didn't realize that was the situation until the meeting!

What was done was in the best interest of my father, and it took a lot off me and my sister's shoulders. But my intuition is STILL telling me to keep my distance. The lack of transparency really gave me pause, and I am relieved to no longer need to feel a further sense of obligation to her. Anyway, I just needed to vent before finally putting this conflict to bed. Thanks to everyone who offered comments.