I hear you ((ww and fayerody)).

ER is not an option, I can't keep going though what these people do. I think I just need someone to hold me for a while so I can cry with no conditions attached. As low as I feel, its hard to even release this pain anymore. I think the crying to the point of severe headache was better than this. I feel like this robot, just do what is expected of me and at the end of the day wonder if I will wake up. And I do, don't I.

Family is definetly not an option. My mother has figured all of this out and is angry at me. She has been not a fun person to talk with: she is flat out rude to me on the phone. My father is his usual abusive self. Sisters, ha-only by blood. They know I was in the hospital and have not called. And u know, I don't care about that: why don't they call the kids to see how they are doing? My mom had a mamogram done and just got her results: cancer has spread. They thought she was in remission until these results came back. Her lymphoma was looking like it has "settled" but now her mam is showing that it has spread. I spoke to her briefly two days ago and she has to go see her new cancer doc on Monday to discuss options. I wish her the best but just can't be with her right now. My mother wants to close her eyes to what has happened to all of us during our childhood. Does not want to accept any responsibility for the abusive ways both of them had during our childhood. And they continue--I can't do it. I am so sorry for her pain but I have no strength left to pretend that things are okay. I can't pretend that life has been simply wonderful....too darn tired.

Justy