I woke up from the worst dreams. Really dream. There were two dreams and one wasn't bad and one was horrible and then they combined and it became terrifying.

The dream that wasn't scary was just sad. I still dream about going back to work and this was one of those. Light night I dreamed that I accepted a position, sight unseen, (for a lot of money ) and felt very ambivalent to the job I was in (which is one of the jobs I really had but I'm not sure which). Tonight was about preparing to leave and give notice and that kind of thing. Not scary, just more sadness related to woking. Oddly in reality I've been to this place once and it was very awkward because the manager at that time was someone who I worked with, had been friends with and then we had a major blow-out my last week. I also couldn't see if he was hiring me.

I don't know. Just anxiety again I think. My Abbycat is snuggled up with me to make me better. If I'm not asleep pretty soon I'll take some more gabapentin. I just don't want to be too groggy to go to therapy in person. I'm not ready for virtual yet after the long absence.


The other I'm not going to share, even with trigger warnings but it was awful.



ETA: 90 minutes later I'm up from dreaming I'm the murderer and terribly upset that my pdoc won't like me anymore. Probably true that she'd like me less if I'd killed someone but also probably not a real issue.

I'm going to be really tired after therapy today. I had planned to shop for jeans but I have a feeling I'm going to just want to come home.