Woke up with a lot on my mind. I have tried really hard to stay within disability's restrictions in regard to work, but I have a feeling I will get in trouble anyway. I just need to keep my mind focused and try my best to look forward to the future. My head feels overwhelmed, and I feel stifled, I was supposed to work today, but I have to very careful about how much I actually make. I think all this overspending has affected me a lot - I have been gradually dipping into my savings and they have been depleting.
In the world we live in, I have realized that I am really on my own, so I can't mess up my benefits, or push myself too hard when I have a long history of multiple long-term hospitalizations and traumatic experiences. As much as I want to succeed in life, I have to be more practical.
Bottom line, as much as I want to plan and I am afraid, I have to remember, that my worries rob me of the moment I am living today. So instead of sitting in these four walls and closing in, I am going to out today and do some shopping for my friend coming over this weekend, and also be grateful for all that I have. At the end of the today, today and right now is all we have - there are no guarantees about tomorrow.