I’m gonna see if my psychiatrist can put me back on propranolol for anxiety/panic attacks. It helped a lot. I used to be on klonopin. That helped the mental aspect anxiety more. But I don’t want to be on any benzos. So I’m gonna see about getting back on propranolol since beta blockers are good for the physical symptoms of panic attacks.

Meds make me really nervous. I’m very cautious about them especially since I ended up in the ICU for 8 days mostly unconscious when I was 19 with lithium toxicity through no fault of my own and having kidney failure as a result and seizures and having to be on dialysis while I was there. That has made me extremely hypervigilant and paranoid about meds and their side effects. Especially since my psychiatric nurse at the time ignored the effects until I had to call an ambulance one night having no idea what was happening to me but knowing something was very wrong. Which was a good decision cause I lost consciousness not long after that.

They really make me nervous and starting any or changing doses etc stresses me out. I start panicking and thinking they’re killing me. Almost like a post traumatic type response to what happened when I was 19.

Ironically enough that’s the next topic for EMDR at my next therapy appointment on Friday. That’s the next thing we’re working on is my anxiety resulting from that whole situation. Basically in EMDR you work through a bunch of traumatic memories and situations that have happened through out your life. Just happens that the next one on the list is the paranoia about meds resulting from what happened a little over 10 years ago.