The nursing home supply of beds is just barely adequate to meet the need. Vacancies generally come up when patients die, which happens when it happens. It's not something they can schedule. Those vacancies get filled very, very quickly. Every general hospital has social workers who speak to the local nursing homes every day to keep track of where the vacancies are.

Your brother's girlfriend seems to have a few traits that I would find off-putting too. I once heard a sermon, where the homilist said there is a good reason why we are commanded to love each other, but not to *like* each other. You can choose to behave lovingly toward anyone. You cannot choose to like someone. We are not in control of who we like. You've done well to adopt a civil manner with this gal and recognize that she was of real service to your dad.

When a parent can't cope alone any longer, I think all the children should be involved in placing the parent in longterm care. For some reason, that's just not how it often goes. My sister placed my father, without having much discussion with me beforehand. That was forgivable, since I live 2000 miles away. It sounds like you're reasonably near where your father lives, so for your brother to include you would have been less difficult. But I think you're wise not to take that too much to heart.

I worked geriatrics for many years, so I have some insight into what families go through making care decisions for aging parents. It brings chaos into some families, so you and I didn't fare too badly. If your dad's nursing home is not at a long distance from you, I will offer one recommendation. More frequent shorter visits are better than infrequent lengthy visits. Elders love looking forward to a visit and remembering it. But having company tires them. Find out what limits, if any, there may be on how often your dad can leave the facility. It will be a nice treat for him to go off with you for lunch or dinner now and then. Coordinate with your brother over the holidays. At least once or twice, you could all do this together. Other times, you can have an outing that's just your dad and you. I wish your dad well in this placement.