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Originally Posted by shakespeare47
She definitely keeps telling her family things - things that they use against me - and then she claims she doesn't remember doing it, and that it isn't deliberate. The way it keeps happening, and her affect, tell me that she either is doing it on purpose and then denying it, or that she just doesn't care. It's to the point now that I'm just trying to find ways to protect myself.
It's pointless for me to complain to her about it anymore.
It's frustrating in that I tend to be the type of person who tells her things - things that I assume she will keep to herself. It's difficult in that I want to stop telling her things that could be used against me, but it's such a natural thing for me to just share my thoughts with her as if I could trust her.
I am getting pretty tired of the nastiness. There are still some things I haven't posted.
I'm reminded of what a counselor has told me about how to deal with people who intentionally hurt you. He said, "You'll have to find ways to make it painful for them to continue doing it."
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That's more gaslighting behavior. And she cannot be trusted with your personal information. I would stop telling her things and I would start behaving like you can't trust her.
I am really curious to hear what that counselor's thoughts were on making it painful for your partner to keep doing it - that sounds like retaliation of some sort - or stooping to a level of returning the pain. Not sure if that's the best approach - with abusers, it only makes the abuse and harmful behavior worse - upon you, the victim.