Trigger possibly?

I don’t know what to do about how I’m feeling.

This past weekend my husband and I had a friend staying with us. Sunday night we had some other friends over for a little get together. Alcohol was involved. Things were fun. The evening goes on and everyone is gone except the friend that is staying with us. The drinks kept flowing. I don’t remember much after this.

The 3 of us were having a good time talking and listening to music. At some point my husband fell asleep on the couch. I don’t know what led up to this point but I was on the kitchen floor and so was the friend. My husband woke up and saw us both laying there. My pants were pulled down. As far as I know the friend was fully dressed. I vaguely remember my husband yelling what is going on here? After this point I guess we got ready for bed. I woke up the next morning not knowing how I got to bed. I knew something happened but I wasn’t sure what.

I’m so confused. I’m disgusted and ashamed. I’ve been sick to my stomach since this happened. I don’t know what exactly happened but I feel like I remember him touching me. I don’t think things escalated beyond that. Is this assault? My body is aching. I have bruises on my head and back. My arms and legs are sore.

My husband is rightfully hurt and upset. We have our share of relationship issues but not anything that would make me do something like this.

This friend is from out of state. It’s someone that I have met and talked to before on a handful of occasions but only with my husband present. He went home the next day, thankfully. I’m so relieved I don’t have to see him again.

I keep tearing up when I think back over the last few days. I’m so scared that I could lose my marriage over this. I don’t know if he will trust me that I didn’t want this at all. I don’t know where to go from here.